This piece ran as a cruel April Fools Day joke, April 1st, 2017.

Artists’ rendering © Knocks Berry Farm

KNOTT’S HAUNTED SHACK RETURNS FROM THE DEAD AS LIVELY SNACK STOP

Buena Park, CA (April 2017) – This summer, join Knott’s as it brings one of its most beloved attractions back from the dead–and turns it into a delicious snack bar!  The Haunted Snack Shack, a gastronomical cousin to the walkthrough funhouse The Haunted Shack (1954-2000), will feature delectable food and drinks, carefully served amidst the ramped floors and tilted walls of the replica building, being built in a backstage area as part of Calico Ghost Town Expansion. The owners of the famous shack, Slanty Sam and Shaky Sadie themselves will be greeting guests and serving up delicious fare such as Leaning Lemonades (served in a crooked souvenir bottle) and Slanted Sandwiches, all topped off by one of Shaky Sadie’s Slamming Shakes, available in chocolate, vanilla, and, of course, boysenberry!

 

When asked about this project, Knott’s spokesperson Vera Mendaci stated that, “The Haunted Shack was a fan favorite for all of its 46 years, and, since the original Haunted Shack sign just fetched a whopping $7,500.00 in our recent public auction, we suddenly felt that this snack bar would be a heartfelt and lucrative tribute, as well as a delightful way to bridge the gap between our classic fans and our new fans.  Also,” she added with a wink, “we saved the original outhouse so our guests can have that authentic Old West experience when they must relieve themselves–just watch out for Mr. Seymour Bones!”  Employees will get special “Tilt Training,” where they will learn how to serve “amongst the inclines” and not spill a drop!

Construction begins April 1st.

About the Author

Mike Hansen has worked as a teacher, a writer, an actor, and a haunt monster, and has been a horror fan ever since he was a young child. Sinister Seymour is his personal savior, and he swears by the undulating tentacles of Lord Cthulhu that he will reach the end of his Netflix list. Someday.