New stages of life begin for the Scooby Gang. Between seeking to continue an education in college, getting work to make due, or taking time to figure out just what their next step is, everyone’s life from the last few years is completely different and a little scary. They don’t know it now, but in the future these days of uncertainty will be a simpler time to look back on fondly. They think they know what’s to come, what they are. They haven’t even begun.

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: A Retrospecticus…

Last we left everyone, their past was a burned out husk of a high school covered in Mayor meat and the imminent future was full of changes. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: A Retrospecticus also had a future of change. What’s this much talked about change, already, you say? Buffy’s loss is our gain, as now in addition to covering Buffy the Vampire Slayer I’ll also be doing the spinoff, Angel.

I know they’re separate shows and it’s unfair to Angel to be an add-on, but this is my retrospective and I can include Angel if I want to. For their first couple years they were a pair, anyway, so it’s not like I’m arbitrarily connecting two random shows. There was much less synergy in those last couple seasons, as they were on different networks, but they still went together until the end. There’s still quite a journey before we get there, though, so let’s get back in the swing of things…

4.1 The Freshman

• Written & Directed by Joss Whedon
• The “slay heavy summer” that Buffy & Willow mention during the expositional banter (“Yes, first there is the painful nowning process”) is actually their first summer together and will be one of only two summers they spend together over the course of the TV series. The rest of the time one of them is either out of town (or dead).

• Slayer Sense Fail: Buffy can’t hear or sense anything right behind her? Smooth. Good for that vampire guy to know a losing fight when he sees one.
• There are only five regulars in the credits for the first time since S1.
• Buffy enters society beyond high school and feels tiny, for now, as everything that made her life what it was is gone, different, or over. You might be able to say the same for Willow, but she still has the constant of Oz (who knows several people)–plus, she’s already flourishing.

• Willow’s line about a powerful force thrusting in to spurt knowledge is forever amusing.
• A new library with no Giles to be found adds to the list of huge life changes. And in regards to Joyce’s reaction to college bills, “I hope it’s a funny aneurysm”–it is not, Buffy.
• Buffy and Riley have a book smash meetcute and soon enough a sea of fans instantly respond well to the new guy.

• Buffy’s described as “Willow’s friend” and feels generally like a third wheel when she’s out, or there’s always staying in to hang out with Kathy–at least she’s not long for this world with her snoring and soul sucking and Celine Dion/Cher.
• The dickhead professor who screams at Buffy to leave his class is a ridiculous asshole and they really lay it on thick. He must have gross emotional problems if he feels the need to lay into a teenager like this.

• Sunday’s gang is fun enough and their fleeing freshman schemes work well, until Buffy. Sucks for Buffy’s almost-friend who gets killed right away, who’s played by Pedro Pascal (famous for other things now).
• Giles has a new lady friend, Olivia, who he evidently already shares some history with. We’ll see Olivia sparingly (comics included), but she’s always a welcome presence. I’d have been happy with more Olivia, but I understand that Giles’ love life outside the Scooby Gang is too far removed. And I know Giles is trying the tough love approach with Buffy, but she’s already on the outs and could use a little boost.

• Sunday’s pretty over-confident considering Buffy’s surely got a pretty solid rep around town by now. I mean, just a few months ago she killed Mayor Snake Demon and destroyed the school.
• Buffy’s timing is impeccable when she pops by home for some comfort as any other time she would have missed Angel calling just to hear her voice–or maybe he’s done it a bunch and just keeps hanging up on Joyce when she answers?
• C’mon Buffy, get over all this crap–why do you care if these loser vampires make fun of you? And so what if you don’t have a boyfriend, life goes on. I don’t think I’d be a good shoulder to cry on. At least Xander shows up in time to give Buffy the heart-to-heart she needs instead of the “do it yourself” she keeps getting everywhere else.

• As for Xander, he now sleeps in the basement and pays rent. There’s a “once more, with feeling” remark and an “Avengers assemble”–glimpses of the future all over the place. Plus, Xander’s “What would Buffy do?” speech is easily one of the best Xander moments/scenes over the course of the series.
• Buffy falls through the window right after Xander leaves, but he doesn’t seem gone that long so he must be running his ass off.
• Willow’s “Buffy wouldn’t just take off. That’s just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name.” line is another great one from her.

• I wish Buffy’s class protector award made another appearance after it was broken, glued together in the background or something–if only so we know Buffy kept it. Oh well. At least Buffy dusts this Sunday idiot in short order by flinging a stake right into her heart (something Oz couldn’t quite manage in the previous premiere).
• Commandos take a vampire in a new plot line that proves to be everyone’s favorite…

1.1 City Of

• Written by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt / Directed by Joss Whedon
• Boo, crappy narration. Not an awesome start. Also drunk Angel isn’t convincing at all and look, it’s Sawyer.

• Oof, the vampire makeup is kind of awful. How is it worse than early BtVS makeup? And Angel reflects in the alley street water over the course of the series, nobody caught that? This whole opening isn’t exactly great, if you ask me.
• The credits, like the BtVS pilot, spill the beans on who’ll be sticking around and who won’t be (looking at you, Tina). I think pilot episodes shouldn’t have opening credits in general, that way you don’t really know who will be around for the long-haul until the second episode.

• Doyle’s tour of Angel’s history (that we already know) is such a blatant exposition dump that doesn’t even manage to be fun or amusing. Honestly, Angel’s pilot is mostly kind of crappy.
• Tina’s manager is Sam Pancake, who I’ll always remember from Curb Your Enthusiasm’s classic poker game scene.
• Angel’s ramblings about being in Missoula “during the depression. My depression…I was depressed there.” is one of the pilot’s more amusing moments.

• Tina touches one of the party sandwiches then puts it back–that’s gross.
• At least Cordy finally showing up injects some life to the proceedings, because up until now it’s been a bit of a snoozefest. She’s poor, adrift, and ferreting away party food for later consumption in her crap apartment. The high life! Oh, and Doyle’s comment that “she’s a stiffner alright” is TMI–I’m not a big Doyle fan at any point, honestly.

• Angel using the fat public library computers is funny for lots of reasons, but where are all the bums? That there aren’t bums all over the place might be more unbelievable than vampires existing.
• Jeez, what’s with Russell’s diseased looking vamp face? See a doctor, guy. And, in my opinion, anyone with a house like his is obviously evil in some way. So…did Cordy think she was going to have sex with Russell for work? Or what, exactly? She’s only been there a few months, give it time to land a part. Her realization he’s a vampire is a good moment, though. Also, Angel gets shot a bunch and keeps going–big upgrade from BtVS, when a few baseball bats or a cross had more of an effect.

• This whole “saving souls” stuff that Angel gets all wrapped up in doesn’t work out great for anyone involved, really, with lots of dead friends/allies in his future. Just sayin’.
• While the “Can you fly?” moment is probably the high point of this whole episode, it’s also extremely ridiculous–there are no repercussions for that? And it’ll be a little while, but we’ll see Lindsay again.

• Here’s that other half of the random phone call from BtVS’s S4 premiere, wherein Angel calls Buffy just so he can hear her voice and hang up–quite the stalker.
• Overall, a fairly rough and unimpressive start. Things get better and thankfully this kind of crappy narration *almost *doesn’t ever happen again, but it isn’t really until late S1/early S2 they find their footing.

4.2 Living Conditions

• Written by Marti Noxon / Directed by David Grossman
• Kathy’s already a fairly bothersome roomie, pre-demon, and the soul-sucking stuff definitely doesn’t help. The demon makeup on these orange monsters is actually pretty good. As for this demon guy, I guess getting his ass kicked was enough for him to run to Kathy’s daddy.
• Giles continues living his man of leisure lifestyle on what we’ll call his gap year.

• I’m now reminded that Kathy indirectly leads Buffy to idiot Parker as she’s the cause of Buffy cutting the line in the first place. More reasons she’s awful. 
• Xander comes by the college cafeteria in sandals to eat some free food and makes a great impression.
• The zoom in on Buffy’s soul-sucked eyes of hate at Kathy re: ketchup stain is more amusing than it should be. “Bordering on Cordelia-esque,” indeed.

• Parker laying his schtick on Kathy should be a clue, Buffy. He’s so clearly a douche. And “share time” is a thing no roommate should ever say to another. Also, drinking milk straight is gross.
• Oz passes by Veruca (and the commandos) on his way to Buffy, when she kills the shifty looking bench. Buffy and Oz are rarely paired together, which makes sense as they seem to have nothing at all in common aside from Willow.

• As for those toenails growing post-cut, that should really be easy enough for the gang to check. I know they do eventually, but after everything they’ve been through Buffy should get ample benefit of the doubt.
• “Not like bitchy cranky, more like homicidal maniac crazy so I sent her to come to you”–See, Giles, they still need you for things.

• Buffy only allows them to restrain her, as they couldn’t overpower her for one moment. There’s nothing Xander, Giles, or Oz could do to stop her if she wanted to go–as we see.
• Just kill this idiot already, Buffy, what’s the hold up? Anyway, good riddance to Kathy before Buffy gets squinty eyes on Willow eating her sandwich.

1.2 Lonely Hearts

• Written by David Fury / Directed by James A. Contner
• Doyle’s comment about Angel mixing in with people is kind of a moronic idea considering his various murderous issues. Also, what makes Doyle qualified to give anyone advice about anything? He just gets visions (the first happens during the business card chat), he isn’t particularly wise about anything–as we’ll come to know more and more.

• I like Cordy just going table to table while handing out cards–no muss, no fuss. As for the bar Angel meets Kate at, it has weird library lights on it.
• Doyle’s a jerk in the exchange between Cordy and the douchebag bar guy and only makes it worse. Doyle’s really the one who starts the whole violent exchange like an ass. I’m not a big Doyle fan, if you couldn’t tell.

• Cordy clearly didn’t retain much from Ms. Calendar’s computer class based on what we see here of her on a computer.
• Angel continues to assume it’s a woman who needs his help, as always, instead of considering that maybe a man could also use help sometimes. He never learns. And how lucky for Angel that Kevin’s friend talks to the bartender right next to him.
• “Next time it’ll be better” is just what everyone wants to hear after sex, buddy.

• Kate rightly doesn’t buy Angel’s garbage when she arrives at the scene with a dead body, but the fact that she opens fire on a person of interest/suspect is nuts. Bad policing!
• Doyle awkwardly explaining to Cordy how vampire invites work continues his condescending attitude, also making fun of Cordy being poor is douchey.
• I can’t imagine Kate has a warrant so her wandering around Angel’s home is another no-no.

• And this demon is strictly heterosexual? Why’s that, exactly (aside from the WB being weird about homosexuality)? It seems like sex organs would be unimportant to a demon like that.
• So wait, this poor bartender just went to work one day and then goes down in history as a serial murderer? That sucks for him and his family/friends, who were probably extremely confused and perhaps had their worldview shattered as this person they thought they knew quite well turned out to be some serial murderer as far as anyone knew. That is a bad work day.

4.3 The Harsh Light of Day

• Written by Jane Espenson / Directed by James A. Contner
• Devon has quite the belly shirt, jeez. Why nobody ever kills Harmony over the course of the series makes little sense to me–it’s not even like Spike, who will be a non-threat to the public, Harmony’s a free agent and actively kills people.

• Buffy only sometimes has this “angry puppy” scar–when the scene calls for it. Anyway, Parker’s an obvious dickhead already. Buffy doesn’t have great taste in men.
• Of course Anya just lets herself right into Giles’ place (“You should lock your door.”) to suddenly ask Xander “Where’s our relationship going?” after not having seen him for several months. They’re a pretty fun pairing and I’m glad she sticks around for the duration.
• Buffy’s veneer talk makes me think of Frasier (that’s a drinking word) and I knew people like that, too, Willow–“Oh, he goes to another school. You wouldn’t know him.”

• Dru to Harmony is quite the downgrade for Spike. Like falling off a cliff, really.
• Anya showing up and stripping for Xander certainly works in her plan to have sex (“I have condoms. Some are black.” & “Still more romantic than Faith.”) but, y’know, both of Xander’s first sexual experiences were rather aggressively initiated. Good thing he evidently likes that kind of thing.

• Buffy sleeps with Parker the idiot in a spectacularly dumb move. He’s clearly garbage. Hopefully at least Willow got a good “blurry watercolor” out of it at some point later. And Buffy’s sinking feeling at having 0 new messages reads true.
• *Of course* the only time anyone stakes Harmony she’s invulnerable (boo). Quitters.
• Oz appreciates Giles’ record collection, which makes sense, and Xander finds a TV under things to his amazement–“He’s shallow like us!”

• Spike showing Buffy exactly where/what the gem is (a ring on his finger) is quite unwise. I’d think it’d be a good idea as a vampire to somehow stick the ring on one of your ribs and let everything heal over it, or something, so nobody ever really has any idea what’s so special about you or how. At least put it on your toe and wear boots so it isn’t so obvious. Something…

• I wonder if anyone in these surrounding windows watched this Buffy, Spike, Xander fight with concern/wonder/whathaveyou. Surely *some* of these kids are from out of town and aren’t so used to the weirdness of Sunnydale just yet. Though, now I’m wondering why anyone would choose Sunnydale for college unless they had a death wish.

• Buffy’s crazy to give this super-powerful ring to Angel–Giles is right, it should be destroyed. The fact that this isn’t a topic of discussion very much perplexes me a bit.

1.3 In the Dark

• Written by Douglas Petrie / Directed by Bruce Seth Green
• Spike mocking savior Angel is a good start–“Not the hair, never the hair.” Also, a bunch of what he says ends up being pretty much exactly what happens to him in a few years.

• Oz pops by and sees Angel and Cordy for a couple days, which is the last time they’ll ever cross paths (except for an almost encounter between Oz & Angel in the comics). I still think Giles should have convinced Oz to let him destroy the ring, or something–not give it to Angel so it can inevitably cause problems.

• The Angel vs Spike fight feels weightless and like a time-fill. I guess mostly because it is.
• Angel refers to LA as “my town” and I can’t help but roll my eyes at Mr. Ego. He’s been there for a few months, which doesn’t exactly make him the boss of LA.
• In regards to this all-powerful ring, couldn’t someone just cut the whole ring hand off then go in for the kill?

• If you ask me, giving Angel free use of his legs & mouth during this interrogation/torture situation isn’t a wise idea–he should be fully restrained and only allowed to speak occasionally.
• Spike should probably just kill Cordy/Doyle, really. It’s not that I want them to be killed, but what does he need them for?

• Marcus the torturer looks like Michael Keaton with his vamp face on.
• The gang finds Marcus on this pier right away immediately–how’s that? Pretty ridiculous, even for a show about a vampire on a mission of redemption.

• Based on several other sun-based dustings over the years on BtVS, Angel should have been ash before he even hit the water–I know he gets different rules since he’s the star, but this was really stretching it.
• Oof, this sunset at the end when Angel finally destroys this damn ring looks so aggressively fake.

4.4 Fear Itself

• Written by David Fury / Directed by Tucker Gates
• Buffy’s still dealing with post-Parker depression as the gang carves jack-o’-lanterns and since I’ve made my feelings about this topic rather clear by now I’ll refrain from repeating myself.

• The kid Buffy punches in the face is lucky she didn’t kill him by accident, but I guess Buffy probably holds back strength more often than not in case of accidental murders.
• Giles having fun with Halloween is a nice switch from the last time, but somebody should close the door after Buffy comes in. Also, he says almost the exact same thing as in S2 re: demons of the night finding it all much too crass.

• A bunch of frat boys give rise to a house of horrors in the name of getting laid. I’m sure that’s not too far off from reality. 
• Xander and Anya have a one week sexiversary, during which she pushes his buttons about college and why he still hangs out with his high school friends. Also, Anya’s hair is different from last time and that will be happening a lot.
• I like Xander shooting Oz a death stare when he describes Xander as a “civilian.” And putting the magic stuff aside, it’s gross of Oz to just wave his bloody finger around all over.

• This is Buffy and Joyce’s last scene until Faith shows up 11 episodes from now–at least they share a nice time together before Joyce gets a few months to herself.
• All the Halloween campus hijinks remind me of times past, myself. I’ll just say it involved me being passed out, covered in fake blood, and taken away by an ambulance because someone thought I was dying. It’s a long story. 
• Why’d it take until the eyeball moment for the party magic to go off the rails? That one split second bloody mouth to smiley face shot is nice.

• I very much enjoy Oz’s classic god costume and Anya’s a bunny (very frightening). She’s learned to knock at Giles’ place, which I’m sure he’s happy about.
• Aside from the broken neck frat guy I think everyone ends up fine, right? Not a big body count this time.
• Buffy automatically being the boss is an issue we’ll hear plenty more of over the years, but I feel like this is the first time Willow brings it up. Also, I know Xander’s invisible, or whatever, but everyone else really separates quite easily. Ever seen a horror movie? Never split up.

• I guess luckily for Willow a werewolf scratch doesn’t mean anything, unlike a bite. She was so close to being a witchy werewolf. So is it Willow’s indecisiveness or the haunted house that makes her light spell go wonky?
• Buffy’s all winded and knocked out from falling one level? Seems like she could handle that. Everything about Buffy’s little conflict seems like small potatoes for her.

• Giles gets to be a badass and “create a door” with a chainsaw. You know he’s having a bit of fun, look at that smile.
• The whole wrapup non-fight of Buffy accidentally bringing forth the demon (“actual size”) through her impulsive response is fun silliness and the fact it all resolves so easily is welcome.

1.4 I Fall To Pieces

• Written by David Greenwalt & Joss Whedon / Directed by Vern Gillum
• Doyle’s like a walking hard-on so far and it’s quite unappealing. Also, Angel’s a complete doofus re: money things–how does he pay bills and whatnot? At least Doyle’s less of a perv while getting a vision or drinking, so there’s a few seconds of peace.

• There’s too much of this monster of the week (MOTW) lady’s office life both pre and post her receiving flowers from creepy Ronald (played by Andy Umberger aka D’hoffryn on BtVS). And drinking tap water from a bathroom at work seems gross to me.
• Hey look, Doyle finally makes a good point about something–how people paying for the service helps them feel complete instead of a charity case or like they owe Angel something for his assistance.

• I always forget “We Help the Helpless” started out as  “We Help the Hopeless” before changing at some point. “Helpless” does work better for the slogan, I think.
• Angel wearing a lighter color, like this tan look he also tried back in BtVS S2, doesn’t quite stick and he’s back in black soon enough.

• I guess Melissa (MOTW lady) keeps her medicine cabinet slightly ajar for some reason? It can’t just be so this silly floating eye can have a look at things.
• Melissa’s job is okay with her having Doyle just hang out all day? I wonder what she said he was there to do as he doesn’t seem like a professional anything.

• Angel’s new cop acquaintance, Kate, pops up again to assist with this slightly amusing MOTW outing in which Angel sure gets a meeting with this in demand surgeon guy really fast–oh that Angel.
• How come the eye can float along on its own but the hand has to walk, like this is The Addams Family? And does the hand see/hear? Too many questions.

• Angel’s already dead, so why does this drug he’s injected with do anything? Why do drugs have any effect on vampires at all?
• Loose limb man takes Cordy and Doyle out with no problem in the world–they sure are dead weight as of now.
• Flying teeth are, like most of this, more funny than frightening, but they finally get paid so good for them.

4.5 Beer Bad

• Written by Tracey Forbes / Directed by David Solomon
• Obviously Buffy’s dreaming as Walsh talks of the ID and somehow she’s still fixated on Parker, but thankfully this episode ends that thread. 
• That weird voice when Xander yells “nobody can defeat the penis” always irked me a bit.

• Ugh, anyone who actually falls for these drunken college bar schmoes are just as idiotic as the schmoes. They wouldn’t behave that way en masse if it didn’t have a pretty okay success rate so everyone needs to do their civic duty and never have sex with douchey frat guys. Hey look, Kal Penn is one of the frat idiots.
• Oh, and the sorority girl Xander’s talking to at the bar has a HORRIBLE haircut. Maybe she lost a bet? That’s the only possible reason someone would do that to their head on purpose.

• Why Buffy elects to spend ANY time with these drunk college morons even before she’s being affected by the beer continues to demonstrate her awful taste in men. All the cavemen stuff is lame, by the way.
• Oz and Veruca certainly make a connection, which must be pretty deep if he can ignore her awful fake singing. She’s worse at lip syncing than Oz’s bandmate Devon, which I didn’t think could be possible.

• Willow and Oz are on shaky ground post-Veruca, but even so Parker trying to put one over on Willow doesn’t work and she calls him on all the garbage Buffy fell for. Even without the forewarning Willow has, I still have to hope she’d never get taken in by this.
• They all turn to neanderthals at the same time? Not sure how that worked out, but whatever. I actively do not want to watch these cavemen idiots do anything–awful waste of screentime.

• What’s with the guy who runs away from his car instead of just getting in and driving away? Is everyone everywhere stupid?
• So, these cavemen were going to rape those ladies–right? Why else would they abduct them?
• I will say, Giles’ reaction to “Buffy strong!” is pretty great and I enjoyed him demonstrating Buffy’s cavelady walk to that random student earlier.

• Cave Buffy hitting Parker over the head probably should have killed him. Oh well.
• Xander putting the cavemen into some random van and Parker getting hit again is nice, but he really should have a cracked skull by now.

1.5 Rm W/A Vu

• Written by Jane Espenson & David Greenwalt / Directed by Scott McGinnis
• While lamenting a lost audition, Cordy’s old friend Aura (S1 BtVS shout out) calls for a chat and before too long some brown water finally propels Cordy from her awful apartment. Honestly, the fact she was able to stay there as long as she did is a testament to her growth because that place would have been a hard no for me on day one. 

• She nearly stays with Doyle, but he’s dealing with a spiky demon & money troubles so off to Angel’s she goes where they hang out in underwear or pretty much naked. Despite them being kind of friends by now I still find their casual states of undress odd as he’s her employer and she’s still a teenager.
• Hey look, Cordy’s diploma from her “rough ceremony” makes an appearance. I wonder if she rummaged around looking for it or if maybe it was a going away present from someone.

• Cordy’s apartment search of small & gross places that either have a shared toilet behind a curtain and some rapist guy eager for her to move in is only a slightly exaggerated version of LA housing.
• Even with its haunted history I want to know how much Cordy’s new apartment cost as I still don’t see how she could afford it. Also, she wants to take walls down in a rental? That seems more like a decision for the owner, I’d think.

• I think I have a blurry watercolor of what happened with Glenn Quinn’s time on the show so I can’t help but think Angel questioning how Doyle lives like this re: gambling addiction probably parallels Quinn’s substance abuse issues a bit.
• Cordy trying to wave away the ghostly happenings as if they’re a non-issue is fairly amusing for what it is.

• “How come Patrick Swayze’s never dead when you need him?” Too soon, Cordy. Too soon.
• Kate sure had easy access to this 40 year old police file on the fly. No records room to dig through, or anything?
• Ghost Beth Grant (character actress of Speed, Donnie Darko, Wonderfalls, and much more) tries to break Cordy and then kill her, but I’m not sold that Cordy would take what some random ghost lady thinks to heart so strongly. And of course Angel/Doyle arrive just in time.
• These random goons have awful timing and the whole action climax feels a bit endless. At least Cordy stops wallowing in her dirty diaper.

• Possessed Cordy reveals dead son in the wall–twist! Dennis seems kind of pathetic for allowing himself to be walled up by his mom. Maybe that’s harsh, but I guess I’m a little harsh. He’s an amusing ghost friend for Cordy, though. I wonder why they never tried to figure out if they could release Dennis from his ghostly confines. They’re supernatural investigators who “Help the Helpess” and Dennis certainly seems helpless. That easily could have been an episode.

Since there are now two series to work through instead of just the one, I’ll be splitting each installment of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: A Retrospecticus up into four parts instead of two batches of 11 episodes each. So, see you next time for episodes of 6-11 of both BtVS S4 and Angel S1. Until then, here you go.

1. What was Jenny Calendar’s license plate number?
2. Name the car Clem was driving on his way out of town before Sunnydale’s last battle?
3. Besides Xander, name at least two other members of the pack of hyena people from S1.

*Last week’s answers: 1) Lyle Gorch, 2) Upwards of 40, 3) Doyle & Manetti