I’m a firm believer that we all need to watch a cheaply made, cheesy amateur horror film now and then. Keeps us humble. And when Death Sentences started by quoting Edgar Allan Poe and misspelling his name, I felt reasonably confident that this would be one of those experiences. We all have to start somewhere, and I tend to be very lenient about that. Unfortunately, Death Sentences falls short of even being an Experience. It’s a bit like an underdone cookie: you know what it’s supposed to be like, but it’s bland and lacks the flavor of the intended product.

Arabella Vaisseau (Remiara Eve) is the archetypal burned-out writer: her previous book was a success, and now she’s struggling to follow it up with a deadline swiftly approaching. She’s retreating to the woods for a weekend of solitude in the family cabin (which is very clearly a rent-a-cabin built in the 2010s) so she can focus. She shrugs off an encounter with the local weirdo (Andreas Casso), doesn’t write, has a few fake phone calls, makes dinner, and doesn’t write some more. The usual.

There are a couple subtly spooky moments, but the first scare is built up to very slowly, with a lot of sequences of Arabella not writing. When it finally comes, the camera angle is so tight that it’s hard to tell what exactly is going on, but not long after, we get a good look at the ghost that’s been tormenting Arabella in the night: a sad, gray woman about Arabella’s age wearing a white dress and lamenting her murder. Arabella recognizes her immediately. They haven’t seen each other since childhood, but Arabella had been following her cousin’s career closely until her death 2 years before and admired her success. When she sees her beloved dead cousin before her, Arabella is understandably freaked out. But Cousin Vivian (Arselajda Buraku) only wants Arabella’s help, and offers her a deal: if Arabella can find Vivian’s murderer, Vivian will finish Arabella’s book for her.

For some reason, the police ruled Vivian’s death a suicide despite her having ingested a gallon of drain cleaner, and she’s a little upset about it. (Drain cleaner would almost definitely kill you, but who could realistically drink an entire gallon of it? I can’t even drink a gallon of water that fast, and that’s meant to be imbibed.) Arabella agrees, because solving a cold case seems easier than finishing her book at that point. From there, it’s an unsettlingly domestic series of events as Arabella flirts with a neighbor (Joe Leone) and scours social media for potential suspects (despite the Internet at the cabin having apparently been purposely disabled) and Vivian writes an ending for Arabella’s book. Other than a few outbursts from Vivian as she tries to keep ahold of her presence in the physical world and an out of nowhere appearance of the local weirdo, it’s a very tame movie right up until the irritatingly contrived climax.

I try to see the best in everything. And Death Sentences definitely isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. But it feels unimaginative and slow, like the lack of a budget isn’t the only thing holding it back from being spectacular. All the characters feel worn out, the sets are unconvincing, the music is generic, and the camerawork is shaky and uses way too many close angles. The title is clever, but the narrative doesn’t do it justice. Death Sentences is basically a run-on in desperate need of punctuation.