Sometimes I wonder what other people did during 2020’s lockdown, considering some had time off due to the restrictions put in place. Then I watch some film productions claiming to be filmed during that time, like The Cojones Virus, and leave me no other choice than to think this nightmare hasn’t come to an end.

Chad (Mike Hartsfield) is a guy driving around in his truck. When he has to stop at a restroom for a quick rest, he’s bitten by a bug. While being back on the road, Chad’s testicles begin to increase their size causing excruciating pain on him, which he thinks he can find relief by chewing bubblegum. Will Chad get rid of the virus causing this enlargement or will he lose them forever?

I know The Cojones Virus is being promoted as a horror/comedy, but it leaves me wondering if the writers were aiming for a this-is-our-kind-of-funny or a we-were-drunk-when-we-pitched-the-idea type of comedy. It gets to a point where it becomes tedious to listen to a moaning Chad, and some of the dialogue might make you eye-roll into another dimension where you expect things may be better– nothing does. I wasn’t expecting it to be on a high level, but at least I was hoping for something that spoke to the level of recent SNL sketches– when you say to yourself “well, I guess that’s that.”

The big star of the movie has to be the cigarette that was never lit but was pretended to be being smoked by Chad. This cigarette was taken from the supposedly lit end, was thrown directly on the actor’s crotch without being burned, and the smoke was miraculous because the actor never choked while inhaling. I had never seen such an amazing performance since Selena Gomez pretended to smoke in Spring Breakers. To be honest, the cigarette stole the spotlight from the testicles that were on the copilot’s seat while small-talking to them on the road.

The Cojones Virus might not be everyone’s cup of tea-bagging (pun intended), because it acts more like a comedy for stoners or dude-comedy rather than horror-comedy, unless your worst nightmare is that one day your testicles grow the size of a pumpkin– if that ever happens, talk to your doctor. Let’s hope Target never finds out their image and sstore was used in a short scene to visually narrate part of the events occurring in this riot of ridiculousness called The Cojones Virus.

1 OUT OF 10 BUBBLEGUM WRAPS