In just a few weeks pumpkin patches will begin to open their gates to the masses who are in search of the perfect pumpkin. When I was a child we would go to a pop up pumpkin patch in the local grocery store parking lot. Beautiful orange gourds sat atop bales of straw or they were strewn about the straw covered asphalt. My eyes would be wide with wonder as I eventually made my way to the biggest pumpkin on the lot, I’d beg and plead for my parents to drop a small fortune on this perfect pumpkin. After several crying hissy fits and threats to hold my breath until I turned blue I would eventually end my tirade with slumped shoulders hung low in disappointment. Sometimes I would add in a silent tear or two for an extra added effect but it never worked. We walked away with a pumpkin of reasonable size which was a little easier on the pocketbook. It was an event that I always looked forward to.

Over time they added a petting zoo to our local pumpkin patch which consisted of a few goats and a turkey that had a mean streak. When I was in high school it cornered me and I was sure that the damn thing was going to kill me. It has scarred me for life.

My husband grew up going to Bates Nut Farm in Valley Center, California; a large family owned farm that, according to my husband, has the best pumpkins in the universe. The memories his family created there have stayed with him and every Halloween I have to hear about how no other pumpkin patch comes close to the Bates pumpkin patch. I asked if they had any other activities and he doesn’t recall anything but row upon row of twisted green vines with those glorious pumpkins in various shades of orange.

Here in Orange County, California we have a couple of farm type patches. Tanaka Farms in Irvine is one of the largest where you can pick your future jack-o-lantern straight off the vine. The Irvine Park Railroad also has a large venue but it is not a farm, rather it is more of a pop up patch where the pumpkins are scattered around the ground and on top of hay bales. Both of them are insanely busy during the season with long lines to get in and check out.

The annual outing to the pumpkin patch has evolved over time though. More and more the patches have moved the focus away from the whole purpose of finding your pumpkin and now it’s dwarfed by everything else going on in the lot. The real stars of the show have somehow gotten lost amongst the overwhelming number of other activities.

When we had kids I realized that the excitement of picking your gourd is now secondary to the carnival rides, bounce houses and carnival games. It makes me a little sad. I understand that it is a business and money has to be made but my kids make a beeline to the bounce house when all I want to do is find our perfect pumpkin!

No longer can you expect to pay for your pumpkins and leave. Nope, now you have to dig deep into those pockets and spend even more money for tickets to rides. Don’t forget the face painting and your little girl has to bound about on at least 3 of the 6 bounce houses. Let’s also not forget that September and October in Southern California is still fairly hot. So here you are feeling like you’ve now transported to the middle of the Sahara (because having shade isn’t a priority with these pumpkin patches) it’s hot, ridiculously dusty, your allergies have reached epic levels and now you have to stand in line with other tired parents and screaming children because your kid wants to gamble with his life on some rickety ride operated by someone who looks like they just stepped off the set of Deliverance.

I completely understand that Harvest Festivals are a thing. I’m a fan of hay rides on a farm and corn mazes. But can we please just get back to pumpkin patches instead of mini theme parks? Can’t I just drop $20-$40 per pumpkin then get out? (I buy big pumpkins because I’m an adult and I can) Or if I’m feeling like it, maybe spend an extra $2 for each kid to go into the petting zoo for about 5 minutes before the screams for help echo throughout the lot when some turkey with mad cow disease has him on the ground pleading for his life? Can we please get back to that? I miss that.