“Sucks don’t it?!?  The Moment you realize you don’t know Shit.” – Negan, describing the writers of this episode.

To start this week on a personal note, my son seems to think I bash The Walking Dead a little bit too much in the recaps and reviews.  I realize I have been a little snarky at the writers lately for their lazy, poorly conceived, and downright confusing effort in recent episodes, but I am a genuine fan of the show, and I honestly hope that the lack of direction the back half of season 6 has exhibited is nothing more than a case of pre-Negan jitters, and having said all of that I would love to say that this episode really redeemed the reputation of the show in terms of good story telling.   I would love to say that BUT ….THIS season finale had to be the WORST in the entire history of the series!!!! (and even that feels really generous!!!)

Buckle up – spoilers ahead (the least of which is that Negan finally appeared…but then we have known that for months so that’s not really a spoiler anyway)

OK so yes let’s get this out of the way early, Darryl is still alive (but not exactly doing too well), we see this throughout the episode in the form of a series of mumbled voices and flashes of light through door slats.  (It will make more but not total sense soon…trust me.)

With Maggie so close to losing the baby, The gang back at Alexandra packs up the RV for a trip to Hilltop and the doctor (thank goodness again he was an obstetrician, and unfortunate that the HMO system in the Walker world makes you drive so far to see your primary care)  Now remember most of the people who are actually worth a damn are currently busy being prisoners of the Saviors somewhere else, so Carl,  Abraham, Eugene, Sasha, Rick, and of course Maggie are soon on the road.  Hi-jinks soon ensue when they realize Aunt Edna’s dog was still tied to the bumper and she passed away in the middle of the trip, turned into a walker and ate Audrey and Rusty…oh wait, that’s just what I was hoping might happen.   Instead they manage to encounter Savior roadblocks at every reroute they attempt to avoid them.  One in particular they have managed to deforest half of the surrounding area just to build a log roadblock wall and then set it on fire.  A+ for effect Saviors, but everyone, even walkers care about the environment.

Meanwhile in a story arc far far away….Morgan has found a horse and Carol is moving as fast as she can to nowhere in particular.  She’s injured and somehow slower than the Savior who survived her John MacLaine Die harder than a Zombie style Saviors massacre (and beet cookie bake sale) last week, because he catches up to her (huh?!?) disarms her (what?!?) and shoots her in the arm and leg (how?!?!)  Carol seems to be begging for death and ready to die (Really?!?!) until Morgan shows up (magically and out of nowhere wtf?!?!) and asks him politely, at gun point, to stop and he can survive this whole ordeal.  When the Savior decides he’d rather be stupid than breathe anymore and points the gun to finish off Carol, Morgan is forced to shoot him and kill him.  (Which is about the only good thing Morgan did all season.)  So Carol is laying there in extreme pain and bleeding out, fortunately some mystical knights (who say “Ni!”) arrive on horseback with crappy looking body armor and they all ride off into season 7.  (no seriously!!! That’s what happened!!!) And that’s all I can and will say about this bizarre Morgan, Carol sub-plot without unleashing a flurry of profanity laden rage so intense that it might in fact make your web browser blush.

Meanwhile on the road trip to Hilltop, the group continues to encounter ever growing and more ominous Savior roadblocks, and the finally decides to let Eugene drive on alone and lure the Saviors off while the rest of the gang carries Maggie to Hilltop under the cover of darkness.  Eugene and Abraham share a heartwarming exchange about how far Eugene has come as a survivor, and Eugene also gives Rick a few pages on how to make bullets at the workshop they found a few episodes back.  He tells Rick that Abraham knows where it is incase anything happens to him (Telegraphing much writers?!?) Anyway, the RV rolls off, the group walks deep into the darkened forest and the plan appears to be working until we hear an ever-growing chorus of whistling emerging from the darkness.  Yeah Rick and Co. are surrounded, disarmed, and soon all on a line, on their knees, listening to Negan’s warm up act, (who appears to be some sort of insult comic) droning on about Rick “treating his people well. Like it’s their last day on Earth.”  (Oh yeah! forgot in the 90 minute road trip boredom someone is going to die tonight!)  That streaking light and muffled voices turn out to the holes in the truck that Glen, Michonne, Abraham’s Ex (Rosita), and a very close to death looking Darryl have been held captive.  They also have captured the RV and so a very battered looking Eugene is soon on his knees with everyone too.

Enter Negan and more importantly Lucile (his barbed wire wrapped baseball bat)  Negan establishes in the last 10 minutes of the show several things:

• He is not only a badass – he is THE badass.
• He knows everything about the group including the fact that Carl is Rick’s son.
• He doesn’t want everyone dead because they can’t be his slaves if they are dead.
• He’s really pissed about Rick killing his people, and then killing the people he sent to kill them because they killed his people.
• Someone’s going to die, because that’s how they do things.

And all of that would be great and in some small way actually had made the whole extended episode nearly worthwhile until two things happen….

First of all Negan walks up and down looking at the captured group saying “Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe…”  Yeah spoiled the whole Negan is cool thing so fast it wasn’t even funny, and second he starts beating the camera to death, which quickly goes black, and then silent.

So we were cheated again as fans all in the name of an overly concocted and stupidly executed season ending cliffhanger!!!!!

But since Eugene has already had his heroic moments this past, long, and disappointing season.  I’m guessing it’s him or Rosita that take the long dirt nap.

I think my feelings could best be summed up by taking a page from another National Lampoon Vacation movie….

“Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like (The Walking Dead Writers), (bane of my television viewing experience), right here tonight. I want (them) brought from (their) happy (off season) slumber over there (in Hollywood) with all the other rich people and I want (them) brought right here…with a big ribbon on (their) head(s)! And I want to look (them) straight in the eye, and I want to tell (them) what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit (they are for this season finale)! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

(Seriously writers…I love ya…but wth!?!)