Paleyfest: March, 2016.

The cast and producer of My Roanoke Nightmare take the stage to thunderous applause. This is Paleyfest, a real-life series of live fan-friendly Q & A sessions with all of your favorite TV show families. All of the personalities we have seen this season are in full effect here: Dominic’s need to be the star, Shelby’s nervousness in the spotlight, the nutty Agnes, who just wants more Butcher screen time, Audrey’s slight jealousy of Rory’s good looks and youth.

And, just to add another surreal layer, it’s all hosted by the fabulous drag queen Trixie Mattel (Brian Firkus).

They all come to the edge of the stage as the applause grows, and they smile and sign autographs. The camera freezes on the image of a fan holding a fake machete aloft in triumph.

District Attorney they interview is positively gloating over all the evidence.Present day: one of the fans from the Paleyfest audience is talking to her YouTube audience about the second season. Was it real? Why did they go back? People died! The surviving Polk son also has made a video that we are privy to, and he promises to extract justice for his family.

“Lee Harris: Crack’d” screams the tabloid titles to yet another reality show. We see her in better days, as a police officer, and as a loving wife with a husband and child. Good memories. But soon enough they begin listing her problems: drug and alcohol abuse, custody battles, not to mention her body count from the Roanoke shows. The District Attorney they interview is positively gloating over all the evidence.

However, based on the huge amount of abuse she suffered, and the extreme strong hallucinogenic pot from the Polks, the jury was sympathetic to her tribulations and Lee is acquitted of all charges.

And then the D.A. decides to put her on trial for the original crime she confessed to: the murder of her ex-husband. During the trial, her own daughter testifies against her–but then also mentions her ghostly friend, Priscilla, thereby making her look less reliable to the jury. And, again, Lee is acquitted.

Damn.

Flora is ushered to her grandparents’ car as Lee calls after her, trying to talk to her. We focus on Lee’s sad face as the car drives away.

A familiar voice narrates Lee’s story (once again) as pictures and video recounting her exploits are shown. The voice belongs to Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson), the journalist from AHS: Asylum who was locked up for a spell and had a near-fatal encounter with serial killer Bloody Face.

The interview starts out nice and warm: Lana asks Lee how she is, what keeps her motivated to carry on in the face of overwhelming horribleness. She brightens when she talks her daughter Flora. She eternally hopes for reconciliation.

Lana steers the conversation a little more pointedly in Lee’s direction, specifically questioning her motives for coming on the show. Lee implies she was hoping to get a sympathetic ear, considering the outrages that Lana herself was subjected to in Briarcliff. And also, she wanted to try to communicate with her daughter one last time.

And then Lana drops the bomb: “Where is she, Lee?” Flora was reported missing by her grandparents about an hour ago. Lee is honestly shocked and surprised.

But before more can be said, Lot Polk shoots his way into the hotel room from where they are broadcasting. He is out for justice/revenger/whatever. Lana tries to talk him down, and succeeds a little–until Lot knocks her out with the butt end of his assault rifle. “She talks too much.” Just as he raises his weapon at Lee, he is torn to pieces by gunfire from police at the door.

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TITLE CARD: After much consideration and the approval of surviving members, this network has decided to air the controversial November 18th episode of Spirit Chasers.

Yet another reality program: Spirit Chasers. The two lead chasers/hosts are at the house, which is now surrounded by a chainlink fence and barbed wire. They have continuously asked permission to visit the property and have been continuously refused, so they do what anybody else would do: snip a hole in the fence with some huge bolt cutters and waltz on in. During the blood moon.

To help them out is Ashley Gilbert (Leslie Jordan), the diminutive actor who played the psychic Cricket in the original season of Roanoke, who is actually kind of happy that he wasn’t involved in the second season.

This whole section is hilariously, creepily like the Ghost Hunters/Ghost Adventures shows, with ominous music and a deep-voiced narrator. Spot on and delightfully macabre.

As the group walks through the house, things start happening: doors slam by themselves, a sheet flies off the bed and lands on the floor. Then it gets worse: Ashley finds an old-fashioned bonnet, and a shadow moves across the window–was somebody outside? They turn a corner and–LEE IS RIGHT THERE! She claims she’s there looking for her daughter. She notices all the recording equipment the guys have and says, “You stupid f***ks, you deserve to die.”  She says she followed Priscilla into the house, thinking that she has Flora again.

A smash from another room as the shelving collapses to the floor. Their equipment picks up an entity hovering around the area. A recorder in the master bedroom picks up a girl’s laughter. Lee warns them all to go home one last time, but they are going to stay (although they seem much less sure of themselves now than they used to). The lead chaser follows Lee upstairs, and then some very bad stuff goes down. They think they see an entity, but PigMan squeals from behind them and viciously slices Ashley open (even as he screams “CROATOAN!” to try to ward it off). The other two go running into the kitchen and one of them gets grabbed by a Chen girl and dragged up the wall.

The lead guy upstairs sees the two murderous nurses strolling the grounds and that’s enough for him. He races downstairs, meets up with the rest of his crew, and they all rush out of the house. Just when it looks like their salvation is here (in the form of a cop car) one is sliced open by The Butcher, and the others (including the police officers) are skewered by many many arrows. The camera falls to the ground, and points up at the night sky.

Back in the house, a thermal camera shows the red-hot image of Lee, walking around calling out for Flora. Another image comes into frame. “Mama,” it says.

The next morning, and the house is surrounded by police cars, even a chopper. It’s “Hour 14” of the Lee Harris Siege. Reports are that she has her daughter and another girl captive in the house. One news program interviews the actor who played the professor, who doesn’t really have much to add, only having met her at the premiere, and another interviews Lana, recovering at home after her run-in with Polk. Lana re-emphasizes Lee’s devotion to her daughter.

And now we are back in the house, watching Flora try to get her daughter to understand. An interesting choice here, the creators decided to completely do away with the reality show artifice they have so carefully crafted and shoot these last moments like a well-made after school special.  An interesting choice.

Lee tries to convince Flora that she needs her mommy and Flora tries to convince Lee that she wants to die and be with Priscilla forever. Lee is horrified and, in an act of self-sacrifice, she offers to be the one to stay with Priscilla and watch over her. Forever.

Smoke is seen from the outside, and the police officers smell gas. Suddenly, a huge fireball explodes out of the front door. The house is on fire, but luckily Flora has made it out safely. The house burns and burns, and Flora is bundled up into the back of a car. As she is driven away, she sees her mother and they wave goodbye to each other.  The police car hits the road, the police start the clean-up proceedings, and, naturally, a news crew is there to record it all.

The camera pulls back and back. The house burns in the night, in the moonlight. The blood red moonlight. And torches appear on the hillside. They start slowly making their way towards the burning house, towards the police, towards the cameras.

Roll credits.

I. Loved. This. Season. I totally bought the premise, and the creators pulled it off brilliantly.   We are so accustomed to reality programming that, when we see well-done recreations of it, we are instantly attuned to the ups and downs and the highs and lows of the fake dramas. It’s the shorthand of this generation. This season showed that AHS is willing to take great risks in telling a compelling story, and the success of this season should help them blaze a new trail for season 7. 

And whenever that happens, HorrorBuzz will be there. See you then!