VIETNAM: in a jungle hut, a husband and wife are spending a nice evening home when the wife spots something outside the window. She begins screaming.

Herr Starr arrives to find locals and tourists alike gathered around the hut, speaking in hushed tones and taking pictures. He comes closer and sees…a large pig, floating in mid-air, the husband and wife now proudly standing behind it.

NEW ORLEANS: a woman lies motionless on the ground. She is zapped by a cattle prod and moans painfully. She gets picked up and put on a golf cart labeled “DRUNK.” There’s also a cart labeled “DEAD.” They drive away into the early morning light.

Tulip and the boys show up at a club to take a break from their fruitless search for God. Coincidentally, a street preacher is standing on a box ranting about the end of the world. The three of them go into some place called The Hurt Locker, where the following happens: volunteers put on a bulletproof vest, bets are made, a gun is chosen. the volunteer is shot, and if he (or she) can stand up by the count of ten, he (or she) wins.

 

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Tulip volunteers Cassidy, pretending he’s her “boyfriend.” He’s nervously putting on the vest when Jesse barges in, denouncing the game, and trying to guilt the men into stopping.  The bigger guns have higher odds, so Tulip chooses their biggest weapon, and then kisses Cassidy (for luck, I imagine).  Ready, aim…

BOOM. The wall behind Cassidy splatters with blood and he goes down. Tulip rushes over while Jesse loudly proclaims he’ll call the police regarding this offense. All the men scatter, leaving our three friends to scoop up all the money and revive Cassidy with some sips from a blood bag.

Later, at (the same? A different?) bar, Jesse calls out Tulip about her weird attitude since the Saint touched her. Tulip asks if the Saint is really dead.  He reassures her: the Saint is gone. Well, not exactly the question she asked, was it, Jesse?

Meanwhile, Cassidy and his son Denis are trying to have a conversation, but the language barrier is getting in the way. A man who has been passed out at the bar suddenly comes to life and announces that he is a French professor (quell confidence!) and translates that Denis wants eternal life to save him from his illness. As the TV blares out a news story about a pig in Vietnam, Cassidy adamantly refuses.

VIETNAM: Herr Starr is on the phone, requesting extra operatives. He seems to hatch a plan as he stares at his water glass.

FLASHBACK: Herr Starr meets a gentleman named Saltonstall in his office. Saltonstall is head of The Grail, an organization devoted to sweeping the streets clean of vermin. This appeals to Starr.

NEW ORLEANS: Cassidy is face down in the street. He gets picked up and tossed on the DEAD cart.

Tulip wakes up from a nightmare about the Saint. She gets up to make some tea, closes a window, then sees it open again a moment later. Suddenly, the Saint grabs her and shoots her. She wakes up from the nightmare-within-a-nightmare. Whew! Meanwhile, back at the morgue, Cassidy pounds on his drawer, begging to be let out.

FLASHBACK: in a neat little montage, we see how Herr Starr was chosen from a large group of candidates–distracting an opponent with masturbation, threatening the family of another, nonchalantly enduring painful electric shocks to his genitals, and finally shooting the other contender.

Saltonstall welcomes Herr Starr to The Grail, explaining that the organization gets its power from Jesus Christ. Starr rolls his eyes, but Saltonstall explains: Jesus is alive and living in a well-guarded secret location. He fathered a child and that lineage has been passed down and protected over the years by The Grail. As Starr lovingly looks over his new uniform (white suit, red tie) while Saltonstall tells him that Starr will be heading the Samson Unit, dealing with false prophets. Herr Starr pushes him off the balcony to his death, then goes to sit in his chair.

NEW ORLEANS: Jesse asks the street preacher if he is a con or speaking true. The streeted suggest they chat over a beer or two.  As Cassidy is escorted out of the morgue with apologies, he sees a child grieving over her dead father. Food for thought. Tulip is back at The Hurt Locker, chiding those gathered that she and her friends ripped them off, then offering the gang to earn their money back. She shrugs on a vest, someone takes aim, and she envisions the Saint aiming. BANG. She struggles back up and tells him to shoot her again.

Jesse and the street preacher talk about the end of the world, with Jesse mentioning the whole 1% of soul transfer he just did. The streeted says that people selling their souls is definitely an indicator of the end of the world. Give a kidney instead!

VIETNAM: Herr Starr is next to the dead pig telling someone on the phone that the problem has been taken care of. Pull out to reveal: all the villagers are also dead, crumpled bin the ground. The voice tells him to get to New Orleans to take care of someone named Jesse Custer.

Back at Denis’s place, the TV explains that the villagers and the pig are dead due to contaminated water.

Herr Starr is one of my favorite characters from the original graphic novel. He is brilliant, ruthless, perverted, and determined to get his way. His blasé attitude throughout the Grail elimination process is hilarious to watch, even as he does horrible things. I can’t wait to see what happens when he meets up with Jesse and the gang. See you next time!

 

 

About the Author

Mike Hansen has worked as a teacher, a writer, an actor, and a haunt monster, and has been a horror fan ever since he was a young child. Sinister Seymour is his personal savior, and he swears by the undulating tentacles of Lord Cthulhu that he will reach the end of his Netflix list. Someday.