There is something truly wonderful about low-budget horror filmmakers pouring heart and soul into labors of love to make the kinds of film they are passionate about, even if budget does not match imagination, vision exceeds ability, and reach exceeds grasp. Sometimes even because of those aspects – the love of genre and the commitment to the project shine through the problems and limits. Our shared devotion to the cinema of dread makes us appreciate the attempt. Low budget? Yes, but also fun and heartfelt. Then there are things like Star Vehicle.

Given my desire to find something redeemable in even the lowest budget, least competently made film, I want to find something worth celebrating in this film, and at every turn I felt this film got in my face and screamed, “NOPE! GO F*CK YOURSELF, YOU F*CKING F*CK!” At least partly because that line also is standard dialogue in this. I fear even Rob Zombie and Danny Trejo would say, “Maybe tone down the swearing?”

Star Vehicle opens with a group of annoying, unlikable actors and crew on a film entering a minivan and immediately they begin to talk down to and insult their driver. He then proceeds to slaughter them with a machete. After credits apparently borrowed from an early-90s direct-to-video movie, we meet our anti-hero, an obnoxious, violent, unlikable sociopath named Donald Q. Cardini (Dan Ellis), a transportation driver for a low budget horror film. Any thoughts that this might lead to a meta-commentary on the nature of low budget horror filmmaking can be quickly dispersed and dispensed with.

While intended as a character study of a downward spiral in the life of a working class man with dreams of making horror films and dating a scream queen, Star Vehicle’s problem is that one cannot start a spiral from the bottom. Don is violent, beating up one of his fellow drivers at the drop of a hat, talking rudely and disrespectfully to everyone involved in the film, and attempting to gay bash two grips who instead beat him up.

At this point one wonders how and why he is still working on this film – every set I have ever been on would have had him gone by then. Instead, his distain for every human being he has ever met is loudly proclaimed, with the exception of the film’s star, Reversa Red (Sindy Faraguna), whom he deeply admires and appreciates.  She becomes his sole passenger (no one else will ride with him and he doesn’t want anyone else in the car anyway). The director grows jealous that they are close and fires Don, who then returns to the set with weapons to righteously kill all the people on the film.

I don’t need or expect horror films to be woke or progressive, but this film doesn’t offer the purported examination of a downward spiral. Not only does it not examine toxic masculinity, it celebrates it. It revels in the director demeaning his actresses, in Don humiliating and beating up everyone else, and in its ugly sexism and homophobia. As I noted above, I wanted there to be something redeeming about Star Vehicle, but the film would not cooperate.

Okay, there is one positive thing I can say. The film gives the audience two clever bits, one involving a stalker allegedly pursuing Reversa and the other being the unexpected reason for Don’s slaughter spree. They don’t really make up for the other seventy minutes of runtime, however.

Overall, I’m certain there is an audience for this and I am equally certain they will delight in it. I wish them the best, but it ain’t for me. I’m going to keep driving next time and leave Star Vehicle by the side of the road.

1 out of 10