DV5: Cord Cutter Hell is part of a series of video-on-demand horror filmellas. I am coining that term, along the lines of a novella: not quite full-length, but too long to be a short. Perhaps envisioned like an episode in a serial? Still, it has to be able to stand on its own, and well, this stands about as well as a gallon of hot dog water.

Almost half the video is taken up with “Tech Time With Jim” — a faux YouTube series starring Jim (played by writer/director Evan Jacobs wearing a fake mustache like a Muppet’s unibrow), a “cable cutter,” someone who uses technology to get TV without paying for cable. Really fancy technology, like a dollar-store antenna.

I can make some assumptions about the series from flashbacks. There is an object called DV that is some sort of evil, sentient tablet. It has killed before by electrocuting previous owners. It now is putting its attention on Jim, whom it loathes. And boy does Jim prattle. If the YouTube segments were tightened up and sensible, the entire video would be about 10 minutes long, and a lot better.

And Jim finds an antenna that reaches a channel he believes is from an alternate universe. Which would be an interesting concept, but it’s entirely buried in the prattle. And the video (they call it a video and not a film, so I will, too) is a good 5/6 over before anything happens.

It is listed with the genres: Horror, Instructional and Mature. Which is hilariously the best part of it! I’d rather watch The Perfect Haunted House again, for less money and more skill.

1 out of 10 Fun Fur Mustaches