parenting and the boundaries of what is scary for kids

Often times I feel judged by people who don’t understand what I do and how it pertains to my children. The open mouthed shock followed by “Your kids are going to need intense therapy” *insert half-hearted nervous giggle* are common when I tell them that my son has been going to Halloween Haunt since he was four years old. Wide eyed wonder coupled with “I know adults who would be too scared” when mentioning his love for a local haunted attraction.
Then there is always, “I’m sure he will be sleeping in your bed the next few nights!” My standard reply is, “Nope. He goes right to sleep in his own bed and nightmare free.”

This past WonderCon a lady disapprovingly shook her head when my kids were admiring and giggling at the Zombie Lawn Gnomes. My four and six-year-old thought that they were a mixture of silly and cool. As this attendee passed by us I heard her say, “That poor little girl doesn’t understand what is going on!”

I found myself wanting to run after that woman and defend my choices as a mother. I wanted to tell her that I am an excellent mom and that while I make mistakes, I would never expose my kids to something truly damaging. But I fought the urge to set her straight because I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my kids.

It got me thinking: who is to be the judge of what’s too scary for our kids? Is it the gore factor? Subject Matter?
Is a zombie scarier than a clown? Are ghosts just as spine-tingling as aliens?

Are there definitive answers to the above questions?

Personally, I am not big on letting my kids watch anything with blood, guts and gore. We try and keep it light. Perhaps I can explain that Vampires don’t really exist but it’s hard to explain away blood covered, knife wielding, hockey mask wearing maniacs. When we attend haunted events I do not let my son walk thru mazes with gore even if he begs. However, he has a blast with the monsters roaming the streets.

I am terrified of clowns, even happy circus clowns send me running the opposite way. Ghosts and Alien movies will give me nightmares for days while my son laughs because “geeze mom, it’s not real!”

I tend to follow my son and daughter’s lead which is “If it’s not real, it’s not real scary.”

A perfect example: On the way home from school my son and I stopped at a florist to get flowers for my mother’s birthday. We pulled in the parking lot adorned with blooms of all colors. Its beauty was soon marred by my kid’s screams and my stifled laughter.

“NO MOM PLEASE! DON’T GO! I WANT TO STAY IN THE CAR!”

At first I was irritated that he wouldn’t pick out the flowers for his grandmother. I was also trying hard to keep my giggling as quiet as possible because it’s just he’s so weird and quirky. Begrudgingly, I got out of the car on by myself and started to look at buckets of arrangements when I heard the car door close. I turned around to see my poor little boy, shoulders tensed, fists balled up and tears in his eyes while he scurried up to me.

“Mom, please,” he whispered, “This scares me so much. Just get these.”

He pointed to some carnations, ran back to the car faster than Usain Bolt, jumped inside, buckled up then covered his face with his hands.

You see, my kid has a legitimate fear of flowers. (and some plants). I don’t know where it spawned from but it has been that way since he has been a baby. Now he says it’s because of bees but my husband and I know that it’s more than that.

As soon as I realized how upset my kid was, I felt awful. I gave him a hard time for not getting out of the car to help me when in reality, he was paralyzed by fear.

I did the one thing that I try to defend myself against-I legitimately pushed my kid into a very real, very frightening situation. Even worse, I laughed.

The drive home was a little uncomfortable as I apologized for not acknowledging his very real fear and I promised to never do it again.

Sliding monsters=ok
Creepy clowns=ok
A dozen roses=not ok

Parenthood is hard enough without the pressures of being judged. I try my best not to judge anyone else’s boundaries of scary mostly because it’s so broad and so subjective. For now I’ll steer clear of gardens, floral shows and circuses (the last one is for me)

About the Author

Erin Jefferson-Foley (Mommy Fearest) is terrified of scary movies, gore and zombies. But she loves all things Halloween and Haunt related! Slowly but surely she has been dipping her toes into the realm of horror movies with great results. Pretty soon she will work her way up to watching a scary movie when it is dark outside. Erin has had a love affair with theme park Halloween events for the past 20 years. Her first time at an event was at Knott's Scary Farm in the late 80s when a family friend, a Knott's employee, escorted her into the park to watch Elvira and give her a behind the scenes tour. She was intrigued as she walked through the break room and realized that they were just people in masks and makeup. It seemed like only a short time later, Erin was performing for Halloween Haunt which led to her meeting the love of her life, her husband. Each year she cheers on her husband and his friends as they set up and run a home haunt. You can catch her helping with line control and repeating the same instructions over and over and over to the guests each night. She has been a professional dancer and actress for over 20 years. When she is not in the studio teaching dance or in her office writing, you can catch Mommy Fearest with her husband and two kids at various conventions throughout California. She enjoys Cosplay, Star Wars, Renaissance Faires, Halloween, haunted attractions, paranormal happenings, special effects makeup and horrible reality television shows.